The Lover-as-Saviour Lie

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How often have you sat and contemplated your life, and maybe you’re making good progress in some areas, but in at least one you say to yourself, “Darn it… I’m doing it again! How did I end up in the same situation?”

It may not look exactly the same as past scenarios because maybe you have learned a lesson or two (I really hope you have), but at the core, you may be facing the same problem and the same tough decisions.

Maybe it’s a work or business situation, maybe a conflict with a friend that resembles past friendship clashes, or it could be in a romantic relationship.

Let’s look at the last one, for example.

What do you see play out here that is causing some anguish that you’ve seen play out in the past?

If you could take a few steps back and look, what programming can you see in yourself (and your partner) play out? Where did those programs come from?

Answer?

Mainly media, family, culture, and religion.

A Closer Look

Let’s examine the media from my generation as an example, Generation X, we’re called (I’m at the tail end of it – I was a kid in the ‘80s and a teenager in the ‘90s), but the same concept can be applied to other generations, too.

When I recall many songs and movies of that era, there’s one these that sticks out in my mind: the lover as a saviour and being incomplete without another.

There’s this recurring theme that someone is going to come along who you will fall in love with and they will make everything in your life okay. Falling in love feels really nice, right? So for those who wish us harm, it’s easy to take that feeling and weaponize it against us.

Now, I’m sure many of you have already figured out that this is not how real life works, with Prince Charming or some kind of Superwoman coming along to make your life happily ever after, but does your subconscious know that?

How many songs, movies, and Walt Disney cartoons were you exposed to as a child with that theme in it?

How do you suppose they have programmed your subconscious into behaving in a way that sabotages your good intentions in your relationship, and you end up acting and reacting in a way that goes against your rational thought and intuition and makes the house you’ve built come crumbling down?

And how about your partner? How do his or her programs interact with yours?

Combine ill programming of both people and you’re on the road to misery.

Movies, Music, & Mind Control

Let me give you some examples of what could have programmed you to fail in relationships. It’s not just you, by the way; it’s all of us.

Beauty & the Beast – Hmm, a beautiful young woman falls for a non-human outcast. Could a little girl who watches that grow up to settle for the underdog?

Cinderella – She gets saved from her life of noble poverty from the nasty rich step-mother & step-sisters (poverty programming) by the prince and lives happily ever after. What we don’t know is what this prince is really like. Is his heart as golden as the cover he comes in? He may be a good guy, but in real life, he’s definitely got some flaws. A little girl or boy growing up with this idea of perfection in mind as a real relationship might not be prepared for the real challenges of a marriage or long-term relationship. And how about a boy seeing himself as the prince? Is he settling for less? Do we see any of Cinderella’s flaws? Not really.

There are plenty of other Walt Disney love stories, many of which I am not familiar with, but I bet you can pinpoint some of the programming in them. If you do, how about you share them with me via email (fiona@fionaforhealth.com)? I’d love to see what you find.

Jerry Maguire movie – “You complete me”. Do you really need someone else to complete you as a man or woman? I am not diminishing the complementary way that we interact and cooperate with our chosen partner, but it’s my opinion that we must be a whole person before entering a relationship. When we are whole and strong we can then support the ones we love.   

Here are some songs lyric examples (emphasis added):

Wonderwall by Oasis:

Because maybe
You’re gonna be the one that saves me
And after all
You’re my wonderwall

SOS by ABBA

So when you’re near me darling can’t you hear me, SOS

And the love you gave me, nothing else can save me, SOS

When you’re gone, how can I even try to go on

Every Time You Go Away by Daryl Hall

Everytime you go away (everytime you go away)
You take a piece of me with you (don’t leave me all alone)
Take another piece of me (The feeling of being incomplete without another)

Reality Check

Believe me, I love music and movies, and I think enjoying music gives colour to life. What rubs me the wrong way, though, in the examples above is the message that the subconscious mind may be receiving.

For instance, if you fall in love with someone and even build a life with that person, but it turns out that man or woman really is a horrible person – maybe they drink too much, abuse you in some way, is not reliable, drains your bank account – so much so that the bad outweighs the good.

At that point, when you’ve done all you could to make it work, it’s time to leave… but the subconscious may hang on, causing you to act out behaviours that override your rational mind and your deep inner knowing, and you continue to stay even though you know it’s bad for you. The result is that your life force becomes diminished, until it has become so painful, that you do finally end up leaving OR you stay and sink more into misery and ill health.

All of our programming isn’t just about romantic relationships. It could be anything, like finances (poverty programming, see Titanic) – check out this video clip with Randy Gage on that topic. It could be health (it may be safer to stay sickly where you get the attention of doctors and family) or it could be addictions (i.e. drinking or promiscuity to fit in).

Thankfully, programs can be rewritten through creating a more positive environment, through personal coaching, visuals like pictures or key words and phrases that you also speak aloud (think advertising) and through self-hypnosis audio.

This reprogramming of our self-sabotaging behaviour is an area I have been training in these past six months and am excited to offer you in the coming months of 2025.

I have often said that I believe we have an innate ability to heal ourselves and that there is a more subtle energetic reason that contributes to our stunted ability to become more than what we are. I believe the negative programming that’s prolific in our culture is a major piece of the puzzle, and I want to help you on your way to a more prosperous life.

Watch for more in this topic here on the blog in the near future, and don’t forget to send me more examples of The Lover as Saviour to fiona@fionaforhealth.com.

This post’s photo by Nandhu Kumar on Unsplash.